iBrokeMyShell

The sun shines far longer in the evening than it used to.

Summer is fast approaching and I feel that is ushering in a new season, literally and figuratively.

I was talking to a friend today. He was confessing his personal problems, relating mostly to his degree programme as well as his relationships. Obviously I tried my best to make him feel better through reasoning with him, but I also know that the best way to regenerate the soul is through empathetic connection. I think in matters as complicated as the tangling of heart strings this is the only way to unravel them.

This led me to reflect upon the internal changes I have been through ever since my breakdown in the summer of 2009. I have made so much progress, and now its beginning to show in my daily life - I’m no longer self-restricting and self-eviscerating. My personality used to be like his, yet now I look at him and see a reflection of some part of my past in him. I feel like I can understand him more and help him overcome his emotional burdens through relieving them through companionship.

To brush over some other events. Firstly, I voted in the local elections. I voted for the Socialist party, mostly because they seemed the only worthy arbiters of any cause; they proposed (albeit like most others) anti-cut measures. The only difference, though, is that these people seem totally committed to their ideology, and are not resting on any laurels or sham values such as respectability. They offered the consolidation of public services of libraries, transport, etc. - This I totally agree in. I believe in education for its own sake, for the benefit of the economy and society, but more importantly, to the benefit of the individual. No individual should suffer his or her horizons being limited because of his class origins. Public services such as libraries provide essential services for the population and help talented yet underprivileged individuals in achieving their potential. Moreover, such series are not even expensive (relative to other services). The government is consciously clipping the wings of the younger generation by depriving them of a right to free education.

Secondly, and finally, I went to the first debating session this term (after the holidays at least). This isn’t much news, but for me personally, it helped me negotiate some prolonging difficulties relating to self-esteem. I used to be fearful of debating, but over time I’m improving and actually enjoying the process. It was an awkward motion, and I was debating with the seniors, so it was a real challenge. I didn’t come first and I didn’t come last - this again is reassuring. I’m no longer letting anxiety and negativity hold me back, and the best part is to tackle these issues on a daily basis.

Just a day

(http://www.ucl.ac.uk/lbs/project)

Went to a public lecture hosted by the Institute of Colonial studies led by guest lecturer Catherine Hall (Professor of Modern History at UCL) today about a new research project detailing the legacies of slave-owners.

The research is the first attempt at documenting the lives of slaveholders and their families in any detail, and is sure to promise some interesting insights into the hitherto ignored significance of the institution of slavery as a determining presence within Britain’s (as opposed to the colonies’) political, economic and social life.

I have to admit that I understood what was being said, but because I lacked knowledge in the field (19th century history), I could not appreciate the significance of Catherine’s supposedly new angle of interpretation.

The general atmosphere was very stimulating and welcoming, and I will attend more open lectures and seminars in the future.